we all have a life soundtrack. not just our Spotify account or our Pandora stream, but a real soundtrack. think about a time and place in your life and i am sure you know exactly what you were listening to at that moment.
in high school and college, each heartbreak i suffered was accompanied by weeks of the Supremes, then tossing in some Ronettes as the pain subsided and then getting back to whatever dance track (“Crucified”, anyone?) was hot hot hot then. the one exception being my very first heartache, when i spent a long weekend alternating between watching "A Room With a View” and blasting Puccini’s "La Bohème" on my vacationing parents' stereo. my poor little brother had a kegger in mind, but my despair destroyed any chance of that…he fled to a friend’s house to leave me wallow in my adolescent agony.
i have spent hours exhausting anguish to the thrash of Minneapolis’ holy trinity of Husker Dü, the Replacements and Soul Asylum. in college i would get dressed to go out jamming to the Clash’s “Train in Vain”; later replaced by Britney and other mindless pop that i came to love as i grew out of my indie obsessed youth and just wanted to feel good. Jay-Z’s “Give It To Me” will still get me moving no matter where i am…cleaning the house falls to Motown and vintage Little Stevie Wonder...and the time i fell in love the hardest my sister threatened to smash my cd single of Madonna’s “Don’t Tell Me” remixes…i had a song for every single moment and i played the hell out them.
this is the first time i am unsure what i want to hear. obviously, when i am walking the streets or getting ready to go out, Robyn and Rebecca Fiona are what i am rocking on my iPod…but i spend most of my time engaged in other things. my life is in an uncomfortable place, my emotions are strange and unfamiliar to me…i have never been here before and i don’t know what the defining song is.
as a therapist/trainer, i spend much of my time listening to others. when i am alone, i often crave silence most, but sometimes that is just creepy. classical music fills that void. it soothes me and often moves me. it encourages held back tears to fall and can make me skip with joy. this is a thorny time in my life and my moods are unsteady…some days i just cannot bear words but i need something in the air around me.
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