greatest hits

i just saw madonna's MDNA tour this week. as usual, i left inspired and in the mood to reinvent.

then it occurred to me it might be a good idea to revisit some of the swede lowdown's greatest hits here on the blog...

just some popular posts that may be worth another look.

this one about loving yourself

this one about loving your body

finding the strength to keep going

here's one about growing and moving on

a couple about letting go, here and here

a good primer for being direct

one of my personal favorites about relationship games

and classic life lessons one, two and three

happy re-viewing!

pleasure...little treasure...

thinking today of things that bring you joy. obviously, there are big things—the birth of a baby, falling in love, getting that first big break—these are major life events. but what about the little things that cause your toes to tingle, a giggle to erupt, a smile to break?

some things that make me happy are: cooking in my kitchen when it is raining outdoors, even better if a friend is perched on my red stool keeping me company; a fresh hair cut, seeing tufts of blonde laying around my feet on the floor; a new dress; the click of the deadbolt behind me when i come home from a long day, knowing i am alone and undisturbed; opening my fridge and finding cupcakes i forgot i had; faire le canard with sugar cubes and good, thick espresso; that first really cold, crisp night of winter, wrapped in a scarf wandering the streets newly lit with tree lights and realizing that the holidays are near…what else? oysters. crayfish! that groggy feeling when you awake on an overseas flight, just slightly confused as you land and it is a new morning in a new place; the first glide of my skate on fresh ice; champagne before dinner…

just little things to savor. little things to notice. simple pleasures that delight…

looking glass

in my line of work, the people i meet are not always at their best. mostly people come to me when they are at a crossroads, in crisis or need some major alterations in their life.

it isn’t always easy to see the bright side of things when you spend your days steering through stormy waters. when days are especially dark it is hard to trust the sun will shine again, but it will. that is just the natural order of things. it may take longer than you wish, it may get darker still but eventually the skies clear, the clouds pass and the storm dies down.

when i am stuck in the dark, i try to think of a few things that helped me safely endure. sometimes i am grateful for a friend that held my hand, supporting and guiding me through the shadows of my troubles. knowing i have a shoulder to lean on or a hand to steady me helps me fall asleep, buttressed to face another uncertain day.

other times i have to really push my clients (and myself) to find that bright spot. it can be the smallest thing that offered some respite in traumatic times. the luxury of crisp clean linens that feel cool against your body as you lie in bed, the kindness or courtesy of a stranger in line at the market, getting to the gym in effort to care for yourself, a deliciously ripe tomato sliced in your lunch, making all the green lights in your commute home…however mundane, stop and recognize it was a moment free of the plague of problems.

even the most optimistic among us aren’t always served a glass half-full. our thirst may be unquenchable and we may gulp what we have until it is gone. when we are running on fumes we need to pause and revisit what doesn’t deplete us and allow time for our glass to fill again.

going solo

as a pronounced introvert, i have always relished my solitude. it has never bothered me to go to a party alone, dismiss a “plus one” on an invitation or just spend an evening by myself. when faced with a choice between going out with a crew or hanging solo, i almost always choose the latter. guaranteed to enjoy the company at least…

i have learned however, that not everyone delights in isolation. many people fear it or see it as a set-up for loneliness.

i often encourage my clients to choose activities as a reward for desired behavior change but find that they balk at doing things alone. a person who does not hesitate to hit the gym or spend hours getting a mani-pedi will stare wide-eyed at my suggestion to spend that same time at café enjoying coffee and book, will shake their head at the idea of going to a movie by themselves or horror of horrors, visibly pale at the idea of dining out alone!

but it is good practice to be able to do the things you enjoy all by yourself. it is not a gateway to loneliness but rather a buffer against it. we are learning that we can partake without depending on others. it is okay to prefer to do things with our friends, but being without them shouldn’t prevent us from participating.

it is also good practice to learn to enjoy ourselves; to afford an opportunity to hear our own thoughts clearly in our own minds; to relate, without interference, to our surroundings.

mostly, it is practice being comfortable with and within ourselves.

to just be yourself…by yourself…

transplanting

labor day weekend- the final weekend of our traditional summer.

our calendars tell us there are a few more weeks until autumn officially sets in, but this weekend signals the end of our summer holidays with adults getting back to work, children heading into a new school-year. starting over… and as with all change, the end of something is really just the beginning of something new…

like plants grown from seeds - first placed carefully in a pot to sprout, then transplanted to a garden plot to spread out and grow taller, stronger, its roots reaching deeper in the ground - we too have the ability to adapt to new environments, to bear the elements and grow resilient and sturdier still.

uprooting a plant, ripping it free from the dirt that holds it and replanting it in new earth may appear traumatic, almost violent, but gardeners will tell you it is good for their roots. it gives them greater space and more nourishing soil. sometimes in the face of transition, we may feel like those plants. we may feel torn, vulnerable and confused moving from what we know to the unfamiliar and new. we may long for things to remain the same…until we remember that we too need new soil for our roots to grow deeper and stronger.

we are prepared to face a new season because of our experiences and knowledge from seasons past. in the face of change, when we are in the midst of a transformation, we are only becoming a more robust, durable and powerful version of ourselves.