i am going to celebrate tonight...this is one of my favorite nights of the year. it feeds my need for renewal and revision, and of course, reinvention.
i am always a little superstitious on new year's eve; i can't help but feel how the year begins sets a tone or gives a glimpse into what the year will hold and so i aim for a night filled with laughter and love. fancy dress, decadent food and expensive champagne consumed while surrounded by gorgeous men...that's the plan for this year anyway.
i will return with more substantial thoughts but right now i am thinking only of debauchery.
another christmas come and gone. this year i had such a lovely holiday.
sixteen empty wine bottles sit in my kitchen waiting for the recycling bin, serving as a reminder (and a caution) of our indulgence. so much good food, even better friends and cheeks sore from laughing.
my house guest has returned home and now there is just this ill-defined and slow moving time that hangs in the air before the new year begins…
one of my corny holiday pleasures is christmas music- back and forth between the classical music station’s organ heavy broadcast or the modern versions- i love it all and it is all i listen to in december. at some point during our late night dinner, one guest had his fill of "rockin' around the christmas tree" and snapped the station to a beatles a-to-z channel. this immediately prompted a discussion of beatles vs. stones, which quickly led to a would-you-rather and either-or game. you know… beatles or stones, would you rather: mick jagger or david bowie etc. i mean, we could play this all day…it is always a fun way to learn some surprising things about people you think you know. playing the game soon exposed my penchant for top ten lists. i have been making them since i was in middle school and even now i continue to update regularly. i love seeing what changes and how much remains the same
making lists of highlights, lowlights, movies, parties, fun, people, things to do- whatever. this is what everyone does to broadcast and summarize the closing of the year. normally my lists are “all-time” lists but i think i am going to make some top ten of 2011 lists this week; of things and events but also of feelings and experiences. i will spend my new years day reflecting but also selecting what i want to keep with me and what i will leave behind in order to make room for the new as we enter 2012.
as don draper said, “my life moves in one direction- forward”
i will be thinking this week about what to pack for the trip…
*photos from: kids these days, miss ginger and toni frisell
Ha en riktigt fin julhelg allesammans – det ska vi ha!
my christmas wish via john lennon
happy christmas, god jul and peace on earth
so this is christmas/and what have you done/another year over/and a new one just begun/and so this is christmas/i hope you have fun/the near and the dear ones/the old and the young
a very merry christmas/and a happy new year/let's hope it's a good one/without any fear
and so this is christmas/for weak and for strong/for rich and the poor ones/the world is so wrong/and so happy christmas/for black and for white/for yellow and red ones/let's stop all the fight
a very merry christmas/and a happy new year/let's hope it's a good one/without any fear
war is over over/if you want it/war is over/now...
to the outside world we all grow old. but not to brothers and sisters. we know each other as we always were. we know each other's hearts. we share private family jokes. we remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys.
we live outside the touch of time.
-clara ortega
this year my family is celebrating christmas in january. we are holding off the big family party until my sister arrives stateside with her children and we can all be together. this way, patient adults can wait and the kids, to whom christmas really matters, can get a double-dose of fun (read: presents!). while i am thrilled to see my sister again so soon, it is not without a little sadness that i will not be with my family-of-origin for the holiday. instead one of my oldest and closest friends is coming to stay with me and we will have a proper swedish julafton together. a family-of-choice holiday, if you will.
often our own families can pose challenges and ruffle feathers at this time of year. while it is true, no one knows you in quite the same way as your own flesh and blood, perhaps no one knows the bestyou better than your family of choice--your nearest and dearest friends. what could be better than spending the holidays with people that share that ease and comfort, that secret unspoken language you develop in your youth and are lucky enough to continue to share in the passing years. i am so looking forward to the comfort and warmth of living outside the touch of time in the coming week.
let's be honest. many of the parties we attend this season are obligatory. so we employ the strategic strike and travel in pairs or packs; hitting several parties ensemble in one night. smart move for scheduling and sharing the small-talk, right?
well the thing is, parties are not bars. you weren't invited to huddle in the corner with your besties sneering at the whole food's cheese plate on the buffet, ripping the playlist and making snarky comments about the party or the one you hit before it. you are a guest and an integral part of the festivities.
give a little when you are invited to someone's home for a party. sure, we all know the basics of good etiquette- the rsvp's, the hostess gift, please and thank you...but having good manners also means working the room and engaging with other guests. look around...who is standing next to you? do you sleep with that person? did you borrow a dress from her last week? if so, you are not mingling. split it up! find someone that hasn't seen you with a toothbrush in your mouth and introduce yourself. ask questions, be curious. complement the tree, the cookies, someone's shoes or hairstyle. smile warmly and wink at your mate or pal from across the room. don't worry...you'll have brunch tomorrow for the full fashion slaughter.
as the season rolls on, here is something profound to ponder as we head into our next round of holiday mingling and merry-making. beyond good tidings and cheer, we never know what good might come of the kindness we bring to those we love and those we may soon grow to love...
“the majority of us lead quiet, unheralded lives as we pass through this world. there will most likely be no ticker-tape parades for us, no monuments created in our honor. but that does not lessen our possible impact, for there are scores of people waiting for someone just like us to come along; people who will appreciate our compassion, our unique talents. someone who will live a happier life merely because we took the time to share what we had to give. too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have a potential to turn a life around. it’s overwhelming to consider the continuous opportunities there are to make our love felt.”
as i mentioned in my last post, i am one of those people that loves the holiday season. having said that, the holidays are not always the easiest time of year for everyone. for some, there is a special joy in the air and an eagerness to celebrate; still for others the decorations, songs and sounds and even the smells of christmas fill us with uneasy sense of dread, guilt and conflicted emotions. we were told we were supposed to enjoy and celebrate, yet our memories are void of that experience.
as much as i love the holidays, mine were not always filled with joy and good tidings. some years were sad and lonely, others made tense with family fights or missing members. sometimes while walking around my neighborhood enjoying the lights and bustle of activity, i am hit by a whiff of something that evokes a memory of someone or something i loved and lost. my lightness of heart suddenly crashed by grief, leaving me wounded and tender. these are strong feeling at this time of year.
it's not just about celebrating the holidays, it is also about the completion of a calendar year and reflecting back on this one and the others before this. maybe we worry about what we accomplished (or didn't), maybe we are missing a parent, family member or a friend we lost; maybe our own relationships or marriages are strained by the pressure of the holidays. it is a complicated time and often filled with intense memories and longings for what was or what we thought should be.
many of us are torn between what we want and what is expected. many of us are torn between families and their wants and demands. some of us have fantasies of our ideal holiday only to be let down by the reality of what they actually present.
remembering that these days are just a few in a many that make up our life allows some perspective. we can get through this. remembering what is worth cherishing and letting go of what hurts allows us to shape the holidays we want to have. allow yourself to feel, but not to dwell...take what you like and release what you don't. allow yourself to love...love yourself and others...that is really what this time of year is about. not creating perfection but celebrating what is good and what can be better.
i love this time of year! i've just returned from gathering up all the stuff i need to host my cookie-baking party on saturday. i love mixing old family swedish traditions with my own new ones. that's my favorite part of the holidays - discovering different ways to celebrate the season while maintaining ties to my family and my past. i am so looking forward to being with friends and making a mess and enjoying some good stong glögg!
so i have just returned from two weeks in germany visiting my baby sister and her two very own babies - my four year old niece and ten month old nephew.
in full keeping in my role as indulgent auntie, i put my niece to bed every night with at least four stories and laid with her in her small wooden bed until her breathing was deep and slowed by sleep. most nights we closed our eyes in the dark and listened to quiet music after story time was over. one of her current favorites was also one of my own at her age, “free to be you and me”. i know, i know, it is the seminal anthem of all gen x-ers; i didn’t say this wasn’t cliché…
but the first night i was resting with her and i heard those familiar first chords of the banjo strike, i was jolted by a powerful nostalgia. my eyes filled with tears and i worried i would cry and disturb her entrance into sleep. my own hopes and dreams inspired by that album as a child paled by the welling in my heart for my hopes and dreams for her. as she curled next to me, her small, thin four year old arms wrapped around my neck i said a silent prayer that she would always be so happy and confident in her own voice and choices, that she would always feel strong enough that when faced with wearing competing sparkly shoes, she would wear one of each and think it looks great. i hope she always has the confidence to make her own decisions, voice her own opinion and that she grows to be the kind of woman she wants to be.
i made the choice long ago not to be a parent and i am grateful for the role models i had that seemed content with their decision to be childless. it wasn’t always easy to find them. because i am quite obsessed with my nieces and now my nephew, i am sure many people thought (or do think) that i just missed the boat and maybe regret my choice. i don’t.
it was a different time, my childhood in the seventies, and i think maybe in terms of non-conformity and acceptance, a better time, but maybe i am just jaded in my old age. i remember primary-colored big wheels, working class families on tv, enjoli perfume adds (i can bring home the bacon dum dum dee dum and fry it up in a pan…) and pumpkin colored turtlenecks for me and my brother...i don’t remember feeling so aware of gender or race like today. maybe i owe some of my own ideas of equality and strength of character to the spirit of “free to be…”
