take the best, leave the rest

holiday season is one of my favorite times of the year. i love the winter wonderland of christmas time and delight in the collective good cheer that it brings. and like the good swedish girl that i am, i am very loyal to my swedish traditions. this means having my cookie party in preparation for sankta lucia, baking lussebullar and krumkaka and making glögg with my friends. it means my christmas goat comes out of storage and my red wooden candlesticks are lit every night. it means a number of other things (like buying jars and jars of herring that few of my non-swede friends will eat) but this year i will be missing many of my holiday rituals and traditions.

this year i am staying with my sister and her family in her adopted german home. some things aren't so different here...we both have christmas markets, warm sausages for sale on the street and mulled wine too. although, each time i reach the bottom of my gluhwein mug i think where are my almonds? it is good, but it isn't glögg.

so we learn that will survive without things being exactly the same as they have been in other years. we learn to share, with family and friends, our favorite customs and traditions. we can exchange recipes and meal ideas and everything will still be delicious even if it is different. we can veer off the expected and still have some of what we need to hold on to our memories. we can maintain what means the most to us and ask others to do the same. we can learn to blend the tried and true with the novel and new.

this year we can choose to relax about the getting and the giving and the rush of holiday madness. we can choose instead to open our hearts and minds and just experience the best and most cherished things this season offers us. we can recreate what we love and leave the rest. we can pare down and still indulge.

we can celebrate simply and still have fun.

*photo: jul i bullerbyn

top ten

another christmas come and gone. this year i had such a lovely holiday.

sixteen empty wine bottles sit in my kitchen waiting for the recycling bin, serving as a reminder (and a caution) of our indulgence. so much good food, even better friends and cheeks sore from laughing.

my house guest has returned home and now there is just this ill-defined and slow moving time that hangs in the air before the new year begins…

one of my corny holiday pleasures is christmas music- back and forth between the classical music station’s organ heavy broadcast or the modern versions- i love it all and it is all i listen to in december. at some point during our late night dinner, one guest had his fill of "rockin' around the christmas tree" and snapped the station to a beatles a-to-z channel. this immediately prompted a discussion of beatles vs. stones, which quickly led to a would-you-rather and either-or game. you know… beatles or stones, would you rather: mick jagger or david bowie etc. i mean, we could play this all day…it is always a fun way to learn some surprising things about people you think you know. playing the game soon exposed my penchant for top ten lists. i have been making them since i was in middle school and even now i continue to update regularly. i love seeing what changes and how much remains the same

making lists of highlights, lowlights, movies, parties, fun, people, things to do- whatever. this is what everyone does to broadcast and summarize the closing of the year. normally my lists are “all-time” lists but i think  i am going to make some top ten of 2011 lists this week; of things and events but also of feelings and experiences. i will spend my new years day reflecting but also selecting what i want to keep with me and what i will leave behind in order to make room for the new as we enter 2012.

as don draper said, “my life moves in one direction- forward”

i will be thinking this week about what to pack for the trip…

*photos from: kids these days, miss ginger and toni frisell

family of choice

to the outside world we all grow old.  but not to brothers and sisters.  we know each other as we always were.  we know each other's hearts.  we share private family jokes.  we remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. 

we live outside the touch of time. 

                                                                                                        -clara ortega 

this year my family is celebrating christmas in january. we are holding off the big family party until my sister arrives stateside with her children and we can all be together. this way, patient adults can wait and the kids, to whom christmas really matters, can get a double-dose of fun (read: presents!). while i am thrilled to see my sister again so soon, it is not without a little sadness that i will not be with my family-of-origin for the holiday. instead one of my oldest and closest friends is coming to stay with me and we will have a proper swedish julafton together. a family-of-choice holiday, if you will.

often our own families can pose challenges and ruffle feathers at this time of year. while it is true, no one knows you in quite the same way as your own flesh and blood, perhaps no one knows the best you better than your family of choice--your nearest and dearest friends. what could be better than spending the holidays with people that share that ease and comfort, that secret unspoken language you develop in your youth and are lucky enough to continue to share in the passing years. i am so looking forward to the comfort and warmth of living outside the touch of time in the coming week.

*photo courtesy of awesome people hanging out together

social grace

taming the snark

let's be honest. many of the parties we attend this season are obligatory. so we employ the strategic strike and travel in pairs or packs; hitting several parties ensemble in one night. smart move for scheduling and sharing the small-talk, right?

well the thing is, parties are not bars. you weren't invited to huddle in the corner with your besties sneering at the whole food's cheese plate on the buffet, ripping the playlist and making snarky comments about the party or the one you hit before it. you are a guest and an integral part of the festivities.

give a little when you are invited to someone's home for a party. sure, we all know the basics of good etiquette- the rsvp's, the hostess gift, please and thank you...but having good manners also means working the room and engaging with other guests. look around...who is standing next to you? do you sleep with that person? did you borrow a dress from her last week? if so, you are not mingling. split it up! find someone that hasn't seen you with a toothbrush in your mouth and introduce yourself. ask questions, be curious. complement the tree, the cookies, someone's shoes or hairstyle. smile warmly and wink at your mate or pal from across the room. don't worry...you'll have brunch tomorrow for the full fashion slaughter.

chitchat

as the season rolls on, here is something profound to ponder as we head into our next round of holiday mingling and merry-making. beyond good tidings and cheer, we never know what good might come of the kindness we bring to those we love and those we may soon grow to love...

“the majority of us lead quiet, unheralded lives as we pass through this world. there will most likely be no ticker-tape parades for us, no monuments created in our honor. but that does not lessen our possible impact, for there are scores of people waiting for someone just like us to come along; people who will appreciate our compassion, our unique talents. someone who will live a happier life merely because we took the time to share what we had to give. too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have a potential to turn a life around. it’s overwhelming to consider the continuous opportunities there are to make our love felt.”

                                                                                       -leo buscaglia

mixed bag

as i mentioned in my last post, i am one of those people that loves the holiday season. having said that, the holidays are not always the easiest time of year for everyone. for some, there is a special joy in the air and an eagerness to celebrate; still for others the decorations, songs and sounds and even the smells of christmas fill us with uneasy sense of dread, guilt and conflicted emotions. we were told we were supposed to enjoy and celebrate, yet our memories are void of that experience.

as much as i love the holidays, mine were not always filled with joy and good tidings. some years were sad and lonely, others made tense with family fights or missing members. sometimes while walking around my neighborhood enjoying the lights and bustle of activity, i am hit by a whiff of something that evokes a memory of someone or something i loved and lost. my lightness of heart suddenly crashed by grief, leaving me wounded and tender. these are strong feeling at this time of year.

it's not just about celebrating the holidays, it is also about the completion of a calendar year and reflecting back on this one and the others before this. maybe we worry about what we accomplished (or didn't), maybe we are missing a parent, family member or a friend we lost; maybe our own relationships or marriages are strained by the pressure of the holidays. it is a complicated time and often filled with intense memories and longings for what was or what we thought should be.

many of us are torn between what we want and what is expected. many of us are torn between families and their wants and demands. some of us have fantasies of our ideal holiday only to be let down by the reality of what they actually present.

remembering that these days are just a few in a many that make up our life allows some perspective. we can get through this. remembering what is worth cherishing and letting go of what hurts allows us to shape the holidays we want to have. allow yourself to feel, but not to dwell...take what you like and release what you don't. allow yourself to love...love yourself and others...that is really what this time of year is about. not creating perfection but celebrating what is good and what can be better.