-oscar wilde, an ideal husband
speaking of love this week…
finding love is another common theme in my line of work. is there a definitive answer to how one goes about finding and attracting love? i believe there is. when my clients are distressed about the state of their love life i try to remind them that loving yourself is the beginning of attracting the kind of love you truly desire. sometimes this whizzes right past them. often we are so consumed with the desire to be with someone we forget what qualities we want in that someone. not just any love will do…
you can find love anywhere, at any time. really. being open and receptive to love is a state of mind, not a state of place.
many times my clients are frustrated and angry that they have not found “the one”. having witnessed many of my friends at that panicky moment that often occurs in our thirties, i gently introduce a few reminders about love.
is there really just ONE, singular love of our lives? for some of us, maybe…for most of us, that one person is many. different times of our life have different needs and desires. is there really just one person to fulfill those changing demands?
and more importantly, i suggest to my clients and friends, is marriage the penultimate expression of love? for me, i know that the people that have touched me most deeply were not meant to be life partners. rather, they were people that meant a great deal at a pivotal time in my life, then…well, things changed. but does that dilute their love?
we attract people that reflect where we are in our own lives. if we are not meeting THE ONE, maybe we are not ready for that kind of relationship. and that is okay. it is just where we are now. take a break from the hunt and learn to be happy with what we have within ourselves. if that is not enough, searching for what makes us happy will attract the kinds of relationships that support that dream. another person cannot deliver your happiness; they cannot complete your life. they can help to augment it, detract from it, even derail it but happiness is internal. it is ours to discover and to own.
i know it sounds trite and cliché, but if we don’t truly love ourselves, how can we expect someone else to do the same?
*photo credit: atame, pedro almodovar
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