the 'sneak invite'. totally not cool.
why is it when you make plans with a friend they think it is okay to invite someone else along to join without checking with you first? do they not understand how this alters the social dynamic? do they not understand the demands on social reserves that engaging strangers requires? if you are not given to bursts of spontaneous friendliness …the sneak invite may demand herculean effort. sigh.
we can do it of course. we all can. we know how to tap into our stores of politesse and cocktail banter but it doesn’t mean that it is always preferable or enjoyable.
to be fair, being open to new people and perspectives is often good. indeed, twisting the dynamic leads to growth—both individual and social. but it is just plain polite to give notice. not all topics between friends are appropriate for an audience of strangers and it could get awkward. who likes that?
please, just ask before you ask others. if it was a plan for two or a plan with a specific cast of characters, be courteous to those initially involved and allow them the option of extending the invitation…or not…