lament

so far away but still so near

the lights go on, the music dies

but you don't see me standing here

i just came to say good-bye...

the still of the night

growing up i always wanted a balcony off my bedroom. i never really got a balcony exactly, but i did get access to an overhang that was a bay window below my room. it came in very handy when i was in high school and took to sneaking out at night.

these gorgeous early summer nights are reminding me of that time…before heading off to family overseas, desperate to spend every single second with my friends…quietly climbing out my window and leaping into the yard below…the grass cool and tickly on my legs as i would land and sprint down the street to where my friends were waiting in a running car…i loved the still of my neighborhood in the late hours, the padding of my feet on the sidewalk and how loud my breath sounded in the quiet.

we were never up to anything very naughty but the act of sneaking out made me feel deliciously wicked. how i long to feel so bad doing something so innocent again…

the one thing

as many of my friends know, i tend to obsess over one thing at a time. i am prone to cooking one day and eating it all week or getting on a kick and eating the same thing every day. i tend to have one favorite hang out and then move to the next place i repeat; i often wear the same outfit until a new one takes it place and then...repeat... i have also been known to love just one song at a time...in fact, back in the day i made a 90-minute cassette tape of the same song over and over so i wouldn't have to rewind my walkman and could listen to my latest favorite one song on repeat without complication or interruption. yeah, i am that old...waaay pre-ipod...

i realised when i was recently in my hometown with my family that some of those "one things" have been with me for more years than i care to admit. this is one of those "one things":

from their last album, warehouse: songs and stories and, if memory serves, their last song at their last live performance (that i, so very fortunately attended)... hüsker dü "you can live at home now". i have been listening to this song since high school. when i am frustrated, angry or upset, it calms me and smooths my ruffled feathers.

sometimes one thing is all you need.